Have you ever had someone ask you to do something that you really didn’t want to do? Maybe it involved attending an event that didn’t appeal to you in the least, like going to a football game when the only thing you know about the sport is what the ball looks like. Or perhaps it was a plea to give up your entire weekend to help them move, even though it was the only weekend you have scheduled off this month (and next).
I recently found myself in this kind of situation, when someone asked me to do something that I really wasn’t excited to do. My response? I told them, “If you want me to do it, I’m gonna show up.”
To me, agreeing to do some things that I’m not thrilled about is about giving unconditionally to the people I care about. It involves putting someone else’s needs ahead of my own because I know that that’s what they want or need at that particular moment in time.
It’s easy to get caught up in the opposing school of thought and doing what suits me best, but I’ve learned that it’s not always about what I want and need. It’s not about putting myself first, no matter what the cost.
Reframing my way of thinking so that I keep others needs in perspective helps me create a relationship of trust. It builds that bond. It lets the other person know that I have their back, increasing the likelihood that, when I have something I want and need, they will also have mine.
When someone asks me to do something, I feel that the right thing to do is to say to this person, “What do you need?” Then, once they answer, my response is, “Okay then. I’m going to do it for you.”
Imagine how you would feel if there was something that you needed and someone said that to you. Wouldn’t it make you feel as if you were loved? Cherished? Like you were respected enough for the other person to put your needs first, even if you know that was a hard thing for them to do?
Now, I’m not saying that you always have to give in and concede just because someone you care for asks you to do something. If what they’re asking you to do is harmful to them or possibly even harmful to you, then, by all means, you have not only a right, but a responsibility to tell them no.
On the other hand, if what they’re asking from you is a mere inconvenience or something you’re indifferent about but extremely important to them, you’ve got nothing to lose by saying yes. Who knows? You may even surprise yourself and get something out of it too.
Plus, that person will remember what you did, how you gave of yourself unconditionally, even when you didn’t have to. And when you ask for the same in return, they’ll most likely do the same for you because they’ll want to show you the same level of respect that you showed them.
Give unconditionally and see how it nets a huge return.